Transitioning from D1 College Tennis

It wasn’t until after I graduated college that I realized how much of my identity had been tied to tennis. Moving on was initially hard. Especially after a 14 year, very committed relationship. Through the ups + the downs, the celebrations + the injuries, the fond memories with my teammates + the moments of isolation on the court. Giving it my all, day in + day out shaped me as a person + left me with memories I will never forget.

After all, 14 years is a large majority of my life + was some of the most formative years of my childhood. Although I didn’t realize it at the time – tennis, as an individual sport, provided me with numerous skills + lessons about life that have served me well throughout my young adulthood.

Tennis was my identity. Weekends spent traveling for tournaments, getting to visit new parts of the country. Meeting people I otherwise may never cross paths with. The nerves before a match + the pressure from fans on the sideline. The celebration after a big win. Tennis practice before + after school. The recognition from others for my dedication to the sport. It was what many knew me for but few could relate. I lived + breathed competitive tennis up until my retirement from Division I Collegiate athletics.

Collegiate tennis was such an accomplishment, but at the time I never really looked at it that way. It was our job. It was always THE goal of mine, so it just seemed like my next + final step after junior tennis & high school. While I was a student-athlete, I didn’t have much time to think about it. I was always busy, sweaty, on the go. Between tennis, the responsibilities that come with being a student-athlete, + my academics, my time was very structured from the moment I woke up to the moment I laid down at night.

Early morning workouts followed by practice in the afternoons, ice baths, prehab + rehab, eating on my walk to class, studying for my classes, traveling for matches. There wasn’t much time to reflect. I used any second of free time that I had to further myself in either my academics or tennis. There was no opportunity for me to get behind or catch up. There was no time to think about what I was doing, let alone plan for life after collegiate sports. It was tough, but I didn’t really expect the transition to the real world, away from competitive sports to be tougher. 

When I initially graduated + retired from tennis, I was mentally + physically tired. I didn’t want to step on the court for a while. I took quite a few months off. It felt like the best thing to do for my mind + body. When I stepped back on to the court for the first time, it was frustrating. I hadn’t practiced in months. My consistency + entire game was off. It was frustrating because I knew I used to be able to compete at a certain level but I definitely wasn’t there now. I also played competitive tennis for so long that it was hard to play for fun. I will always have that competitive side to me. Tennis just hasn’t been the same. Which seems obvious… I mean, yeah I’m not a D1 athlete anymore.

Despite my time away from the sport, I still had not reflected on my experience as a student-athlete. I really didn’t give any thought to just HOW busy I was. What I gave to the sport. How much it impacted my life + how big of a part of my identity it was. It wasn’t until almost one year after graduation that it really hit me. Hard. Out of nowhere. I found myself reflecting on my experience in depth. It brought about a lot of emotions. It suddenly felt like I lost a huge part of my life. Mentally + physically. I’m honestly not sure why it was such a delayed onset, maybe it was my own denial, but I am sure it was coming one time or another.

Initially there was the usual phase of adjusting to life after graduation, working an 8-5 job, financial responsibility, giving up some of the freedoms that I once had as a college student. But more than that, I found myself struggling with the loss of the game + my entire identity that surrounded that. Although my friends were adjusting from their change of pass as a college student, I never really had the traditional student experience as an undergrad. I was struggling with an adjustment from so much more than that. It felt like I lost everything that I ever knew. My stress reliever. My teammates. The support + structure that I was accustomed to.

I read this excerpt, which took the words right out of my mouth:

“What we as athletes take note of is how important everyone else sees us when we are in that role. That role then starts to take full shape in our minds. We start to think that we are valued most as an athlete. We are cared for most when we put on that uniform. We are exalted for what we do within the confines of those white boundaries. Slowly we start to look at ourselves in the same way. We are important. On the field. We are cared for. On the field. We are valuable in society, On the field.”  When the opportunity to put on the uniform + competitively play the sport is gone, that sense of value + identity feels lost.

When I had free time, I didn’t know what to do with it. I never really had free-time as a student-athlete. There was always something to do. As Shannon Miller (the most decorated gymnast in America) talked about the difficulty of life after she left her sport, “I didn’t know how to be a regular person. I initially watched a lot of TV and gained four dress sizes. It was very disheartening but it helped me realize that I had to find a new passion in life.” And I couldn’t agree more. As my tennis career came to an end, I had to reinvent myself.

I went from working out multiple times a day a day to once a day, if I have the time + energy. Naturally, I gained more weight in the year following than I ever have. This was mentally hard for me to deal with. Although I still workout on a regular basis, my body is naturally changing + this was something that I had to (+ still have to) mentally tackle. According to the NCAA this is not uncommon for former student athletes (Stephan et al., 2007). Which is a HARD pill to swallow for a long-time athlete.

Looking back, I am confident that without the rigor of being on a pre-med track met with the challenges of being a student athlete – I wouldn’t have accomplished all that I have. I still thrive on the structure + regimen that I once had. I still thrive on morning workouts, a good sweat + the endorphins. I’m sure I’ll always be highly competitive + I still strive to get stronger, faster + more athletic. I still need that structure of goal-setting + individual competition. Those parts of me have not been lost.

It wasn’t all sadness that I was experiencing. I also found a lot of respect for my former self as a collegiate athlete. I felt immense joy for accomplishing my long-time goal of playing at the D1 level. It was my ultimate goal + I did it! I looked back + was honestly impressed with how I balanced so many different demands. I also was very grateful for the opportunity to play at such a high level. I made such incredible friends in my teammates. I made great connections in the community. I was coached by fantastic tennis players + people. It truly was an opportunity of a lifetime, + one that many people don’t get to experience.

It’s a PROCESS. The transition takes reflection + adjustment but I am slowly finding other ways to channel the qualities that once led me into competing in tennis at a high level + those that I developed throughout the years. I am still finding ways to set goals + accomplish them. I am learning to channel my competitiveness into a new passion. Although this time, it’s taking place off the court. Despite losing such a large part of my identity, I am still me. I did not lose who I WAS, I just lost something that I DID. + through the process, I gained so much. Playing at the collegiate level was the best way to close that chapter of my life.

“EVERYTHING THAT MADE YOU A SUCCESS AT YOUR SPORT IS WHAT WILL MAKE YOU A SUCCESS IN ANY ENDEAVOR IF YOU CALL ON IT.”

-SUE GORDON, FORMER DUKE WOMEN’S BASKETBALL PLAYER

I truly believe that as athletes, we are equipped with unique skills that will help us to succeed in the real world. As we transition out of our collegiate careers + into the real world, we have to channel these skills away from playing our sport + into our future passions + careers.

When people told me it would go fast, I wish I knew what they meant in the moment. When people told me how fortunate I was to have this opportunity, I wish I knew at the time what they meant.

If you’re a retired collegiate athlete: I’m with you. It’s a process. It will likely affect us all in different ways. It likely hits us at different times. BUT, I’ve found it incredibly helpful to find gratitude for the experiences. I encourage you to use your skills that you developed + fine-tuned to help you succeed in your next adventure. Lean on your friends, former teammates, + family for support.

If you are still competing as a collegiate athlete or if you’re an aspiring collegiate athlete, I don’t mean to scare you but I want to prepare you. I’ve been in your shoes. I know how hard it gets some days. You’re mentally + physically exhausted day in + day out. But I promise you that one day, you’ll miss it. Try your best to make the most of your experience + give it your all. Show gratitude the opportunity. There are SO MANY people that would do anything to be in your position. What you are doing now is hard. What is to come is hard. But you will get through it. It is a process. You will be stronger for it. + have trust that the skills that enable you to succeed in your sport, will also enable you to succeed in your future. USE THAT to your advantage.

Keep in touch with your teammates after college. They went through the exact same thing that you did. Use them as support if you too struggle with the adjustment. Lastly, do not be afraid to ask for help.